The only muffin top I want is from a bakery.

I've been wanting to lose weight for a while now but haven't done much to put that into motion. Today's the day where I start the process and stop my excuses, well let's say Sunday, I've still got thanksvegan. :) It's been difficult for me finding time for yoga while working graveyard. I feel like my schedule is everything but normal. Well, no more excuses. I will try , I will make time for yoga and other means of excercise. I will find new recipes to eat healthier even though it may not be easier. I think I may need to leave some motivational notes for myself around the house but I'm determined. I miss yoga, I miss feeling healthy. I don't love my body right now and I miss that feeling too. And please feel free to kick my butt in gear if I fall into a rut again. I don't really have a goal weight right now, I like my curves but I'd like them a little more maintained. Haha. I think a good starting point is losing 20 pounds and going from there. Wish me luck!

Quite a day. Happy, sad, happy, tears, happy. I'm just going to blame all my craziness on my birth control pills.

If you haven't heard already, Ryan got a new job! He'll be working at merchcon doing customer service. This could not have come at a more perfect time. Our budget has been tight and I was stressing about upcoming events and the holidays. I feel like so much weight has been lifted off our shoulders. Now, Ryan and I have to figure out how to work around our schedules. I'm literally walking in the door as he's leaving in the morning. It's gonna be a little rough the next couple of days trying to adjust. I'm so thankful for this new job for him though and it will get us out of debt faster. This has been an answer to so much prayer.

Time is on my side

Whew! This has been such a busy crazy month with just more to follow. I have two more weddings, a baby shower, and Christmas to get myself and my wallet through. I've been so stressed lately that I have this lack of motivation. I haven't been to yoga in about a month and I can tell the difference. I just need to throw myself back into it so I can make it a habit again. Money has always been something I stress over ever since I got my first real job when I was fifteen and I have felt the weight of it these past couple months. Ryan and I are working our way out of debt and so far we've done a great job at that. However, we still have a while to go. Sometimes I lose track of our goal and get caught up in my own personal hell: my job. Ryan has been great with keeping me focused and letting me vent when I need to. My job is not really that rough but of course there are bad days. My biggest fear is that I'm missing out on something better and a lot of the time I feel like I'm treading water. These feelings have so overwhelming lately and I almost don't know what to do. I hate feeling weak. Angi called me out a while ago and said I was someone who felt like they had to be strong for everyone else and I don't know if she knows how correct she was. I think about what she told me a lot because although I love to take care of people, it's ok for me to need that from other people too. With that, I know how blessed I truly am. I have a job that pays my bills, a small but cute apartment. Ryan blesses my life everyday. He loves me to my core and is constantly encouraging me. Within the past 2 years I have met and became friends with so many amazing people. I love my girlfriends and they so important to me. So here's what I'm looking forward too in the next 6-10 months: Ryan and I will have his truck paid off and hopefully be able to move into a bigger apartment. And long term: Ryan and I will be debt free in probably 2 years if we really bust our butt and follow our budget. I can't wait to be free and to be able to spend my time how I want.

Last night was Angi's bachelorette party down at the beach. It was a great night hanging out. I learned so much last night and got quite red in the face during some conversations. ;) This morning we went to breakfast at Mother's and I just about died because they had vegan and gluten free pancakes. And I may have gotten a strawberry milkshake afterwards. I'm so excited for Angi's wedding coming up in less than a week now and for that little one that's getting ready for this world. I love you Angi!

Love

Ryan's home!! He was only gone for 3 weeks but the time apart seems to get worse each time. Ryan called me around 3 in the morning on Friday saying the van broke down and they were 7 hours away. I was beyond bummed. I'm already very emotional and this birth control just makes that even worse. I was ready to drive all that way to go pick him and the rest of the band up. Thank the good, sweet Lord that the van started working and the boys were able to make it back home with no other problems. Ryan surprised me with a beautiful tattoo of my name on his arm. We had talked about getting husband and wife tattoos with each others name so now all I want is to get mine done. Sometimes insecurities about being married still come up. For example, I have this terrible fear that Ryan is just going to wake up and be over it and just leave; or that there's no way I could deserve something this good. It's these times when I have to tell myself to shut up and not let those lies get to me. I have never felt a love like this before and it just keeps getting better. He makes everything better. I'm so thankful for the relationship I have with him and the sweetness he brings to my life. I'm so happy he's home.

Trying something new

I started a blog, here it is. I just started working graveyard again and I'm loving it. My body just needs to get used to my new schedule. I get more sleep on graveyard then I did on day shift and there's less drama during my work day or night. I also have weekends off now for a while so when can we hang out? p.s. mising my husband terribly! So happy he comes home in just a few days.